I Miss My Time With You

The following is a post that I put on my MySpace page back on April 22, 2008. It still applies, and maybe it will also help someone else...

You know, it's kind of funny that the prayer for today in my devotional is the Lord's Prayer. About 2 weeks ago, I was thinking about something – of course I don't remember what it was now because I didn't write it down – and I tried to remember and say the Lord's Prayer. I couldn't do it. I remembered a phrase or two, and a couple of key words, but I couldn't do it. I remember thinking that if someone held a gun to my head and told me that if I said the Lord's Prayer they would let me live – I wouldn't be here.

Now I remember what I was thinking about when this came up. I had just heard someone quoting scripture, and was so impressed – I wanted to be like that – I want to be able to just know the Word and be able to recall it without having to search in a Bible for it. I realized that although I had memorized a ton of scripture when I was a kid – I had not practiced it or even put forth any effort to try to re-learn it or learn more. As someone who has been a Christian a long time, I know that it is important to "hide God's Word in my heart," but I haven't done it. Does that make me a bad Christian? Or does that make me like most Christians?

I think it makes me a hypocrite…

I've tried to teach my kids to remember their Bible verses. I've told people in my Sunday school classes that it's important to read their Bible every day, and to memorize God's Word so that they can recall it when they have a need (theirs or someone else's). But I'm not doing it myself. I tell myself that I'm too busy; too busy helping in youth, too busy trying to teach the marriage class, too busy trying to counsel others toward God's will, too busy studying and taking classes so that I can become a credentialed preacher of the gospel. I tell myself that I'll get up early tomorrow and do it, that God will understand because I have to work so much. But I never do get up early tomorrow morning. Sure God understands, but He also gently reminds me just like the old song by Larnelle Harris, "I Miss My Time With You," that He is my friend and I need to work on my relationship with Him. One of the lines in that song is "how can you serve me when your Spirit's empty?" Well, I'm there – I'm tapped out – my Spirit is empty. There is so much going on in my life. And I keep wanting God to be there, but I keep pushing Him aside, I keep not allowing Him to fill me – with his Spirit, with His strength, with His mercy, with His compassion, with His LOVE.

Here, now, and today I'm taking a stand and saying "No more will I miss my time with you, God. You are too important to me for me to walk past you every day and not stop to talk and learn at your feet. You are my best friend and I have treated you badly. Please forgive me and allow me to come back to you and try to fix my relationship with you. I WILL spend time with you every day. I WILL read your Word every day. I WILL hide your Word in my heart every day."

As I write this, tears rolling down my face, I realize that I truly mean it this time – I am spiritually tapped out – just plain empty. I have nothing left. And I realize that all of the reasons that I tell God that I'm too busy to spend time with Him – are the EXACT reasons that I NEED to spend time with Him. How can I do the work God has called me to do if I don't spend time hearing from God?
For the youth who read this – I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I have told you to do something that I myself have not done. For the adults in my Sunday school class who read this – I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I have not lived out as an example the life that I have told you is so important. Please forgive me, and know that I am beginning to live out the life that I know I should, and that I have been teaching you to do as well.

And I also realize that there may be others out there who are having the same difficulties that I am having. I've been teaching it for years – but I am just now "hearing" it myself. Don't let life – or even a life spent serving God – keep you from truly knowing God. Spend that time with Him. Make that sacrifice of time. I can assure you that it will be worth it – it already has for me in the short time I have been doing it.